In for a penny…

So, a continuation from my ramblings yesterday. While the miscarriage, in my mind, is a big contributor to the way I am feeling; it is not the only thing that is running through my mind. A very close friend of mine is dying from Bone Cancer, she was given 5 years to live about 3 …

Maybe I’m Cursed

Every time I see the metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel; the mountain moves and causes the tunnel I'm traversing to be filled with tonnes of rock blocking my way. Maybe I was an evil twat in a past life and this life is a comeuppance for my past evil ways...Maybe I am …

Under-realized

First, I am not disparaging any other profession or person or job. I'm venting so fuck the fuck off bitch! My job is a lot harder than people realize.  It plays into my fears, my natural disposition, and this fear of new people. I have to put all this...me, into the background. How in the …

Scary Thoughts

Now before I even say another word; the thoughts are not of hurting myself or others, I couldn’t hurt anyone like that. Believe it or not, I am actually a really nice person (even if I say so myself). Family is important, blood or not. I saw my Physciatrist today, and during the longer than …

No Title

So far this post has no title. I don’t know how long it is going to take to write this post either. So marking the time at 04:53 ZULU. So…my dad phoned. Always good to speak with family. Family doesn’t call at such hours for no particular reason. It seems that the Big C is …

Where To Begin…When Death Lurks Near

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling a little better. Was able to laugh and joke with my coworkers. The day was going well, and I was looking forward to a long week end. Then I got the message. It sent everything at me all at once. All my issues just flared up …

That instant change…

I hate myself for how I feel. I hate even more that I can't just point the finger at someone and just let loose all this anger or sadness; I don't know which it is. People say just cheer up, forget about the things that cause this, how bad can it be. They don't understand, and never will until they have spent the day inside the head of someone who suffers from severe depression and bi polar disorder.